~A Cornicopia Of Feelings~

Mainly feelings of disappointment and hurt. But what is life without some pain right?

So Today! Ah, the wonders of today!

Today my Jewelry friends and I got together for lunch! This was a big deal, because we all had jewelry first semester and we never really got back together to do something fun since then. So, like I said, big deal.

And it didn't hurt that the guy I had a huge crush on was supposed to come.

I had planned this thing for like 2 weeks in advance. It was an ordeal. I texted people, made sure they had rides, got everyone together, etc etc. So when I go to pick people up at the designated spot, Lizz turns around and tells me, Brock said that he wasn't coming. He says he has no money so he is just going home.

I turn livid.

Now, before you get all "Andie, a way to a mans heart is not to become his mother..." I want to tell you how incredibly douchbageriffic this stunt he pulled was:

COMPLETELY DOUCHBAGERIFFIC.

I already know that I shouldn't yell at people, and leave them nasty hurtful voicemail messages, or text them the alphabet one letter at a time... twice... in one day...

But guess what?

Andie don't put up wit no crap! MmmmHMMM!

(Sorry for the black person reference in speaking. I just couldn't help myself.)

But this is only the tip of the ice burg.

I went through the motions of what I did:

Anger (always the strongest most exhausting part),

Depression (my least favorite part),

Guilt and Shame (PA HA AH AH! I usually don't feel guilt and I do stupid things everyday so I am used to that feeling),

Denial (No close caption for this one),

Bargaining (Please! Please! I just want this one time to mean something!!!),

And finally ACCEPTANCE. I thought i was at that point. I guess not... I will be though. Soon.

And I kind of get this false happiness running through me by the time I am done with work at 10 PM. I get home and tell my parents and tell Seth of what an Awesome day I had in retrospect. Then Seth starts ragging on me for acting like Brock's (The guy I kinda went psycho crazy on) mom and dad completely disregarded everything I told him.

I get fed up.

I turn into done.

Stick me with a fork, I'm moist but dry on the inside.

I kinda have a break down. Just a small one compared to what I had gone through other times.

And then God shows me how much he truly cares.

When I am laying on my bed, bawling my eyes out, completely feeling alone and picked at and disregarded as crazy, My dad - my wonderful amazing father - softly knocks on my door and sits there with me. He knows what kind of pain I am going through, and the only thing he said that really had the most impact was "I'm sorry that it sucks. I wish I could say more, but all it does is suck."

The light at the end of the tunnel my friends. That was the light. My father is the light. The one in heaven and the one on Earth. Trust me, I know of my fathers imperfections quite well, but he is one of the strongest most generous amazing men I have ever known.

I love him.

And if I can just get a husband with half of what my own father is, that would blow my mind away. I probably wouldn't deserve him to be honest.

People, love the ones that love you back. If you cant turn the ones who you want to have as friends or something more, leave them be! They don't deserve the kindness you give, if they only look at it and throw it away. I am tired of the crappy people in the world that manipulate my love and appreciation into something that it never was.

But fortunately I have my family and my role models to help me.

Thank you.

Love,

Andie;)