Outta The Victim Mode

Im back!
I thought it would be a good time to actually focus on my life in a good light. We've had tons of negative, now for the positive!

Back at work, the dreaded witch assistant Manager was demoted (snicker snicker) and a new one has been put in her place. Now all she is: a cashier. Funny and sad all at the same time. I kinda feel bad for her, but it did do a great job of humbling her.
Now work is back to being fun and great and I have a wonderful time there!

School. I am determined to get an A in math this term. Last term I skimmed by on a C and that just isnt acceptable. I so know that I can do better.

Friends. I love all my friends, and once I figured out that they are doing the best they can with what they are given, it gave me a swift kick in the pants and I loved them for trying. They really do the best they can, and its my job to help them by being a good supportive loving friend.

Overall.
Seriously. Today I have a math quiz and a history test and all I can think of is how great today is gonna be. My switch from victim to... non-victim? Idk the word for the opposite. But anyways, once that switch was made, it got a ton better and I finally see that I am a naturally happy person and I love to make people happy.

Last Minute Thoughts:
1. I havent washed my jeans in over 4 weeks....
2. I need to wash my jeans...
3. This summer, and I am alittle ashamed of this, I spent over $700.00 on school clothes alone.
4. The Holidays are coming and I am so dang excited!!!!:):):)
5. I seriously want to start blasting Christmas music, but the thought of my mom slapping me and telling me to turn it off always diverts me from it haha.
6. My iPod is acting weird.
7. I need a new iPod.
8. I love my new phone.
9. I have to pee. Thats weird cause I just peed and I havent had anything to drink today.
10. I LOVE animal print. I seriously have fallen in love with the trend and when it falls out of style I will still be wearing my Zebra rainboots!

Love you all and hope your doing fantasic!!!

Andie;)

Now... How Did This Happen?!

Alot of things have happened over the last month and a half.
The most tramatizing would be my fender bender in Ogden last week. I thought I was above the whole getting into a car crash before... God proved me wrong!
Then the other deliema would be my work situation. I loved working at Costa Vida - loved as in past tense - when I had really good managers. The whole work expericance does matter almost wholly on the management team.
My general manager Callie has been great to me and she trusts me to do my job. I really do think that if I was old enough she would try and get me to be an Assistant Manager.
But ever since be have been getting corperate and another shift lead manager... its kinda been Hell on earth. Lets call the new assistant manager Jessica. She has a huge ego when Callie walks out the door and she gets on her high horse. I really think that we would be working better with another shift lead. She doesnt keep labor down and she is almost unreasonable all the time.
She gets in the way and the only way she gets her way is because she is a manipulative flirt and really knows how to play people.

She came and talked to me the other day and I ended up just apologizing and I have no idea why I was doing it!!!

So there is my work life.

School aint going any better.
I'm failing math, history and physics.
Im getting to the point where I can honestly say I dont care, and that is scary because that usually comes at the very end of the year, not the beginning. What an awful way to start off the year by failing math and History.
I'm beginning to think that Honors Pre-Calc was a mistake.

Then comes the friends. Sometimes I dont feel like people make an effort at all to acutally be my friend when I go out and make a bunch of consessions for them.
Its the hardest when its one of your best friends is putting you on the spot when their making you feel like your embarrassing them (when this wasnt the case a month ago).

Anyways, above all that, I am genuinely happy! I actually got my patriarchal Blessing last Sunday and man that was an expericance!!! That was amazing and I was shocked to really get all the info and the huge spirit expericance.

Well I am so late for class So no Last Minute Thoughts. Sorry!!! Next time!

Love,
Andie;)

Whatever Kills You Just Makes It Easier For Next Time

If I haven't already gone insane, I think I might have this past week. 

Three major points:

1. Moving

2. School Classes

3. Friends

Lets start with the first and significantly more important. Moving.

This week we finally decided on a plan (and if you all know me like you should, you would know that I am a planner. Even if I don't stick to the plan, I plan. I make lists. I set dates. That's what I do). 

If we don't get a yes on the house that we want by sometime this week. We will sign the papers for the condo and start to move. 

I'm sick of the people asking me 'Any more news?' 'Have you moved yet?' and the 'Do you guys know where your moving yet?' - I hate those ones, I really do. 

Every time I say, no not yet, were just planning right now. But the thing is, every other person in the friggin world wants to know my business. SORRY PEOPLE! If I want you to know my business, I will tell you my business. 

That's what I love about best friends, they just wait for you to tell them the news so they don't have to ask. 

Number 2: School Classes. 

I was really stupid this year. I put all my hard classes on my B day schedule. Plus I took a Concurrent Enrollment class and I seriously am floundering in home work. Not to mention that I still have work and work about 4 days a week! I have told my manager by the way that I cant work more than 3 but since right now I'm the only competent cashier, she has no choice in when I work. Plus there is a new manager and she is making my life hell at the moment. 

Number 3: Friends.

I realize now that having a car is a two edged sword. One side being great and dandy getting myself to and from places and all around. the other side being that people just use me for my car and don't care about the gas money I'm spending on them at all. 

'Do you have a car today?'

'Is your dad out of town this week?' 

They are almost as bad as the questions about moving....

Anyways, my life at the moment is kinda crazy and I hardly have time to breathe. I'm lucky I have a free night to even write this! 

Okay, I gotta go!

Last Minute Thoughts:

1. Showering is a great thing. 

2. Don't think I could be a pioneer (reference to #1).

3. Another car crash happened tonight right outside our front lawn.

4. Teenage drivers are so scary and dangerous!

5. Iambic Pentameter sucks and I hate structured poetry.

6. Writing shouldn't have a structure. It really shouldn't. 

7. Last week in sleeping in my pretty room.

8. Moving makes you feel like you are losing everything and have lost a ton of things.

9. I want an easier life. But God doesn't think that's an option for me.

10. I like a new guy that's strait from Pennsylvania:) He is very cute!

Love ya!

Andie;)

Breaking Down Walls

So here we are, at the end of the road.

You think you’re so clever to push me past load.

I tell you it’s not worth it,

I tell you not to try.

But all in the end, you still make me cry.

 

I hate when you love me,

Makes me feel like you care.

But when my dream appears,

You turn to thin air.

 

I knock on your door,

No one answers, no one comes.

I look through those windows,

And its clear your not home.

I don’t know why I try,

I don’t know why I care.

But I do know that the love I feel,

It’s still in here!

 

I fool myself into thinking you’ll be back one day.

I never said I was smart,

Just hopeful and brave.

 

I trust what’s gonna happen,

I trust it to be.

Either make me the stronger,

Or leave me for me.

 

When you decide to come back,

Just know what you’ll find

Is not what it seems,

Though it may rob you blind.

 

Come back if you’re brave enough,

Courageous enough,

Strong enough.

But I won’t be waiting on that front porch.

Your time is all up. 

Breathing Becomes Harder Under Water

After my mom came in my room with tears in her eyes and told me that we lost the house, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I really hadn't wanted that outcome. Who would have? But it came with a certain sense of release. At least we finally knew that we actually lost the house and it wasn't that huge 'IF' standing inside all of our brains screaming 'IF YOU LOSE YOUR HOUSE! IF! IF!!!'
I hated that 'IF'. But now it is a definite answer and we don't have to worry about it anymore cause the grieving process has begun.

For me, I have already accepted - mentally - that we have lost the house and that we have a lot of options before us. Nashville is even an option. Logan, Liberty, Bountiful, Kaysville, Syracuse, Provo for heaven sakes is an option! (Though mind you I really would like to not live in Provo... the reasons are clear on that one).

Or options are laid out before us and now all we have to do is widdle out one that fits for everyone, and is good for the income that we will be able to have.

Now, what is left for us to do?

Pack for one thing... I swear the one thing I hate more than packing is UNpacking and I really hate to say that right now its unavoidable.
Get everything either put in storage or sold or given away to the D.I.
I would say clean up a bit before we left but I really couldn't give a damn about how the house looks when we all leave over the threshold for one last time. I'll probably write on the walls or something before I leave cause I'm still in the 'Pissed' step of the grieving cycle.
Then finally move once all the rest is figured out and done.

We could have anywhere from 30 days to 3 months but due to how we have school coming up and things of that nature I hope we find a house and get moved out as quick as possible.

Other things on my To Do List:
Go school shopping! This is actually really exciting for me because I am the only one in the family that is making money and this means that I can get some clothes so I'm not only living out of boxes. PLUS!
I have lost a total of 11 lbs in the past 3 days due to the HCG diet! I started again with loading on Friday and started the actual 500 calorie diet on Sunday so this is extremely exciting:)
That also means that I will be able to lose more weight for smaller clothing when I actually go school shopping.

Is it weird that I have set aside dates for when I am going to go shopping? The 21st and the 22nd of this month is my designated days lol:)


Okey Dokey now. So there is my life at the current moment:)
If you feel the need, which trust me you don't have to, you can come help us pack next week for the final stuff and the final garage sale. Call me or my mom (preferably my mom cause she actually knows what were doing) at 801-953-4272 or 801-815-9576.


Love all of you and hope your doing better than me! haha!


Last Minute Thoughts:
1. Moving really tells you how much crap you have and the stuff you can get rid of.
2. MaRea is one of the best KSLers I know!
3. Diet Coke is really good:)
4. I love roast beef.
5. MOM! Can we go to TARGET NOW?!
6. Diet Mtn Dew is good too.
7. I hope to lose a total of 30 lbs or more by the end of this round of HCG and that is actually feasible because I am taking some drops to activate my weight loss. If your interested in this (which let me tell you that this is so friggin exciting if I were you I would call my mom up right now and tell her to get me a bottle) call my mom and she would gladly sell you a bottle. Its only like 20 bucks:)
8. I'm more excited about going to a different school than staying at Bountiful. Not that I would rather go to a new school. I would rather stay at Bountiful, but trust me it would be pretty exciting to go to a new school.
9. MOM! TARGET!!! PLEASE?!?
10. Thanks to all my aunts and uncles that came up last Tuesday to help pack and store stuff. You really don't know how much we appreciate you all and if we ended up moving to Logan I would not be put out by seeing you guys more often:) WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Okay, hope to see you soon!


Love,
Andie;)