Breaking Down Walls

So here we are, at the end of the road.

You think you’re so clever to push me past load.

I tell you it’s not worth it,

I tell you not to try.

But all in the end, you still make me cry.

 

I hate when you love me,

Makes me feel like you care.

But when my dream appears,

You turn to thin air.

 

I knock on your door,

No one answers, no one comes.

I look through those windows,

And its clear your not home.

I don’t know why I try,

I don’t know why I care.

But I do know that the love I feel,

It’s still in here!

 

I fool myself into thinking you’ll be back one day.

I never said I was smart,

Just hopeful and brave.

 

I trust what’s gonna happen,

I trust it to be.

Either make me the stronger,

Or leave me for me.

 

When you decide to come back,

Just know what you’ll find

Is not what it seems,

Though it may rob you blind.

 

Come back if you’re brave enough,

Courageous enough,

Strong enough.

But I won’t be waiting on that front porch.

Your time is all up. 

Breathing Becomes Harder Under Water

After my mom came in my room with tears in her eyes and told me that we lost the house, I had a bit of an emotional breakdown. I really hadn't wanted that outcome. Who would have? But it came with a certain sense of release. At least we finally knew that we actually lost the house and it wasn't that huge 'IF' standing inside all of our brains screaming 'IF YOU LOSE YOUR HOUSE! IF! IF!!!'
I hated that 'IF'. But now it is a definite answer and we don't have to worry about it anymore cause the grieving process has begun.

For me, I have already accepted - mentally - that we have lost the house and that we have a lot of options before us. Nashville is even an option. Logan, Liberty, Bountiful, Kaysville, Syracuse, Provo for heaven sakes is an option! (Though mind you I really would like to not live in Provo... the reasons are clear on that one).

Or options are laid out before us and now all we have to do is widdle out one that fits for everyone, and is good for the income that we will be able to have.

Now, what is left for us to do?

Pack for one thing... I swear the one thing I hate more than packing is UNpacking and I really hate to say that right now its unavoidable.
Get everything either put in storage or sold or given away to the D.I.
I would say clean up a bit before we left but I really couldn't give a damn about how the house looks when we all leave over the threshold for one last time. I'll probably write on the walls or something before I leave cause I'm still in the 'Pissed' step of the grieving cycle.
Then finally move once all the rest is figured out and done.

We could have anywhere from 30 days to 3 months but due to how we have school coming up and things of that nature I hope we find a house and get moved out as quick as possible.

Other things on my To Do List:
Go school shopping! This is actually really exciting for me because I am the only one in the family that is making money and this means that I can get some clothes so I'm not only living out of boxes. PLUS!
I have lost a total of 11 lbs in the past 3 days due to the HCG diet! I started again with loading on Friday and started the actual 500 calorie diet on Sunday so this is extremely exciting:)
That also means that I will be able to lose more weight for smaller clothing when I actually go school shopping.

Is it weird that I have set aside dates for when I am going to go shopping? The 21st and the 22nd of this month is my designated days lol:)


Okey Dokey now. So there is my life at the current moment:)
If you feel the need, which trust me you don't have to, you can come help us pack next week for the final stuff and the final garage sale. Call me or my mom (preferably my mom cause she actually knows what were doing) at 801-953-4272 or 801-815-9576.


Love all of you and hope your doing better than me! haha!


Last Minute Thoughts:
1. Moving really tells you how much crap you have and the stuff you can get rid of.
2. MaRea is one of the best KSLers I know!
3. Diet Coke is really good:)
4. I love roast beef.
5. MOM! Can we go to TARGET NOW?!
6. Diet Mtn Dew is good too.
7. I hope to lose a total of 30 lbs or more by the end of this round of HCG and that is actually feasible because I am taking some drops to activate my weight loss. If your interested in this (which let me tell you that this is so friggin exciting if I were you I would call my mom up right now and tell her to get me a bottle) call my mom and she would gladly sell you a bottle. Its only like 20 bucks:)
8. I'm more excited about going to a different school than staying at Bountiful. Not that I would rather go to a new school. I would rather stay at Bountiful, but trust me it would be pretty exciting to go to a new school.
9. MOM! TARGET!!! PLEASE?!?
10. Thanks to all my aunts and uncles that came up last Tuesday to help pack and store stuff. You really don't know how much we appreciate you all and if we ended up moving to Logan I would not be put out by seeing you guys more often:) WE LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Okay, hope to see you soon!


Love,
Andie;)